she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
