How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
