Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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