billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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