i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
