We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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