you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
