I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
