i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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