New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
