dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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