"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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