like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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