You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
