There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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