Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I party with great urgency now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
