Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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