yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
