Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
