remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
