Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
there is glitter all over my balls
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