Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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