Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
