I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She said her name was "party"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
