just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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