so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
