Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
