She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
