I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
