I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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