she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
