Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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