She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
