hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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