even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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