Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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