I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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