Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
