I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
