I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
no, he came in my armpit
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
