Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is my gift to your gina
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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