I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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