I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
