Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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