if only i could text you this smell
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
