this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
