Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
