if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize