Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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