You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
