also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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