My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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