I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
