I think I am morally bankrupt
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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