So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
