yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
