Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
