**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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