Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
