I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
