Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
