Jerry, you need to find god
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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