we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
