SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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