On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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