I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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