His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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