Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The adults are the big ones right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
