dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
