I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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