i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
