I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
