I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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