Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
