: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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