he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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