What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Houston, we have a squirter
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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