I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
