i think my tv is drunk
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
